Sometimes I have bad thoughts.

But it’s like that for everyone, I suppose.

I like this statement:

If there is one, there is two.

And so proceed the natural numbers. This is proof by induction in mathematics.

When I have bad thoughts suddenly springing as a consequence of some previous thought,

I think:

“holy s***. Wtf is a matter with me”.

Its like I remember my ex-girlfriend saying to me:  “What is wrong with you.” when i gave her some wacky thought. 

She was cool.

I really liked her.

Anyway… <*Joe Biden sigh*>

And it becomes an internal fight with my own mind.

You should let the thought pass, but you can’t stop to wonder why you had this thought.

I think its because of circumstances:

recent lifestyle, tiredness, over-socialized —you begin to be anti-social, for example. etc, etc.

But I guess just let it be, take it easy,

I guess, if there is one thing I would accept in believing for the sake of sanity, would be that we each are free-willing.

What a stoopid question– does free will exist?

But lets throw some thoughts about it. 

Despite that the thinking the following thinking makes sense, I feel uneasy with it:

Every action you take, is either a result of you being forced to do it, or you wanted to do it. But, if you wanted to do it, you did not actually want it — rather it was your conditions that made you want to want to do it.

Such is the case for determinism.

But for me, something is off.

See for me, this is more of a case for cause-and-effect. I dont doubt this for a second. All of physics is built on this: events are causes to some effects, which in turn become causes for other effects.

But I dont see that this implies determinism.

Before I say my main attack on “wanting to want” to do it, I want to ask:

When someone imagines “determinism”, I have to ask: determined by whom?

Determinism means that it is possible, perhaps for a higher mind, to have predicted anything in the system (our human reality) since the system is determined—i.e. at each point, one can predict the outcome given all the variables.

But here are my issues:

Firstly,

quantum physics says otherwise. The fact that the most vital problem in quantum physics is the Measurement problem— we dont know why a system existing in a superposition of multiple eigenstates at the same time, “collapses” into one of the states when observed. There is some probabilistic aspect of this that makes it even more challenging given the very well known result known as Bell’s Theorem—which mathematically indicates the fact that there are not some “hidden variables” that would provide a predictable deterministic world. There are ideas how to go around this but that’s too theoretical and no need to get into it I would say.

Secondly,

it asks for an observer— a greater mind— who may have it written, like a computer program or a book, thereby—okay, I can except that we live in a deterministic system. But what about this greater mind? If he too follows the same reasoning, then either he lives in a deterministic universe too, which implies he has a superior mind, which goes ad infinitum— I find it difficult to imagine determinism in relation to infinity— or the super mind of the greater mind is free-willed, but in that case, if he is an entity with free will, why can’t the greater mind be also free willed, and in that case—us too?

Thirdly,

Relating to the difficulty of tying free will and determinism is the fact that, while yes it may be true that me lifting my arm to prove my free will is indeed an action influenced because of the relevant conversation and my want to prove that I am free— and my want is intricately based on my neuro-psychology—everything from subconscious influences to perhaps the state that I am in—if I am hungry or tired, etc. But that’s too many variables. It goes back to just saying “everything influences everything”. The problem with this is that most of those variables are irrelevant. Gravitational force is infinitesimal technically— so a galaxy millions of light years away does have a pull on you. But it’s so insignificant, you would never use it for reasonable purposes.

Similarly is my case for free will. My choice today, while may be slightly influenced by my tiredness or some psychological wiring that I may have, you do, like all agents, despite being bounded by your existence, have a degree of freedom. This degree of freedom, while yes it follows cause and effect— is the free will that we seek to claim.

In other words, to imagine it:

If I walk into a room, and I see five identical doors. Why would I pick one over the other? Because I took a right turn in the hall on my way to the room—so the idea of “right” is more fresh in my mind? But cmon, you can’t say this for a fact. Which actually should be mentioned: that you will always come to the “i dont know ” statement— you can’t calculate it.

Physicists say: classical probability is like tossing a coin—its not really 50/50 because if you saw the coins initial tilt, took into account air-friction, the force applied on the throw etc.— you would be able to know if it was supposed to be heads or tails—your lack of doing the calculation gives the lack of information, hence a probabilistic statement.

(Quantum probability is different, it is not probabilistic because of YOUR lack of knowledge, but rather inherently probabilistic).

I say that it will always have to be probabilistic—because you will always come to the I-dont-know statements (and I think that this is influenced from Godels Incompleteness theorem). And, that

There is no reason to not view the possibility, that within any system, there are agents that can act counterintuitively to the expectations—hence a “degree of free will”.

And the key lies in the consciousness: the fact that the agent is AWARE that he may act opposite to what is expected.

For me, its simple:

I know that when I see a beautiful girl, I either have the heart to go talk to her or I wimp.

I may be tired that day, it might make it more difficult to encourage myself thereby decreasing the probability that I would approach her, or I may be wired that I may be a bit shy, which also decreases that probability.

But none of that truly matters.

Because I know, that at the end of the day, I either chicken out or have the balls to approach.

I am thinking about it. I am conscious in the moment. The outcome happens. I made the choice. I was free.

Plus, living in a determined would be boring.